Abcs Of Me – The Negative Side Of Chronic Illlness

(Image of peppermint tin via Sweet Things Direct)

A while back I read a few posts where the bloggers went through the abcs of living with a chronic illness. Many of the descriptions were negative. Those of us who are living with chronic illness as a constant companion are not surprised at that. There is a lot of heartache, loss and sadness when dealing with a chronic illness. We spend many a day trying to convince ourselves to have a positive outlook and to be thankful for what we do have. Others, with the best of intentions, try to help us by pointing out the positives. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

However, there is definitely a time and a place to vent and bitch about what we have lost, or gained, due to a chronic illness. Venting is just as much a part of our health care routine as anything else we do for ourselves. So this post is the first of two posts. Part two will be about the positive side of chronic illness.

I must admit trying to find the positives has been, well, trying.  But, I am slowly making my way through the alphabet because I know there are positives. We lose sight of them because the battle can sometimes be overpowering, overwhelming and sometimes over the top. But the positives are there. Sometimes we have to dig for them and appreciate the diamonds in the rough that are a part of chronic illness.

But, for now, let the venting and bitching begin.

a – absence of normalcy – I don’t even remember what it’s like being normal anymore.

b – brain fog – I forget the stupidest of things or things that I know so well and…poof! It’s gone.

c – can’t – Can’t work anymore.

d – drained – I no longer have the strength and stamina to do what I want.

e – ears – Where all my problems are.

f – fragile – How I  sometimes feel physically, mentally and emotionally.

g – groggy – This Spring had so much rain and wet weather makes my ears and balance worse.

h – hate – Some days I just hate the things in my life that I can’t change.

i – independence – The worst part for me is losing my independence.

j – jabberwocky – def: nonsensical language (according to Lewis Carroll), nonsensical illness (according to me).

k – kick ass – What I want to do to this chronic illness.

l – lost and left behind – Sometimes I just feel so lost and left behind as everyone else moves on with their lives.

m – miss – Miss the old me, miss the old life.

n – naive – I naively thought I would be well and back at work by the end of the first year.

o – opportunities – There are so many opportunities that I’ll never have a chance at again.

p – patience – I lack that a lot of days, other days I have it in spades.

q – questions – There are so many about my illness I have that I don’t have answers to.

r – r and r – I wish I could go away and relax and have some fun in the sun.

s – scared – I don’t know what the future holds for me.

t – timid – The older I get the more timid and fearful of the unknown I become.

u – unbelieved – There are some people who thought I was faking all of this. WTF! Who would want to fake this life?

v – virus – What started me on this journey with chronic illness.

w – why/what – Why me and what did I do, or not do, to develop a chronic illness.

x – x-rated – Some of the thoughts and words that come out of my mouth when talking to others about being sick.

y – Y2K – The year I got sick. All that chaos that was supposed to happen, happened to me.

z – zonk out – When I overdo things, I nap. But to nap for 2 or more hours after a good night’s sleep, that’s not right.


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